Happy New Year

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Goals this year include:

Less is more.
Quality over quantity.
Let go of anger and negativity.
Allow myself to feel what I feel.
Missing things from my past is okay.
Slow down, do things thoughtfully & thoroughly.
More Japanese food cooking.
Do things properly.

I hope 2017 treats us well. I need a good year.

Death Wolf

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I didn’t finish NaNoWriMo, but I’m at 35k for my current WIP. That is a win in itself. Recently when I write I feel so full of words and then I write them all out and then have nothing left and until I fill back up I can’t keep going.

I started an instagram for book photography. At first I thought it was weird to spend time takeing photos of books but I love books so whatever. I am really enjoying it, and having so much fun playing around with editing. I guess I’ve missed photography. –>¬†https://www.instagram.com/tsukisuki/

Tidal Wave

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I haven’t posted in this place in over a year!!!!

What have I even been doing???

I:

  • Got a promotion at work
  • Got a hamster
  • Named the hamster Hamilton (not after the musical)
  • Read over 100 books
  • Started a new novel that’s set in Tokai-mura Japan. It’s magical realism.
  • Got a new computer, had the new computer break and got a newer even better computer
  • Started to cook A LOT of Japanese food

For Halloween I plan on being a creepy cat & for November I plan on writing for NaNoWriMo.

House of Wolves

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Things I Miss About Japan

  • Sushi that costs less than twelve bucks for six pieces of nigiri
  • Bathrooms. Fancy toilets. Doors that go all the way to the bottom of the stall. An entire room for the bath and shower.
  • Food. All the food. Onigiri, yakisoba, gyudon, tempura, karage. I miss going to the grocery store and spending less than ten bucks for dinner.
  • The local restaurants in Tokai
  • Family restaurants
  • Trains
  • Sock shops
  • Convenience stores everywhere
  • Midnight ramen with my husband

Ya know, actually, when I sit down to think about what I miss I actually can’t come up with that much. Last week I was just hit with this astounding overwhelming absence of Japan from my life and I missed it so much. Maybe it wasn’t so much the things there that I miss as it was a feeling I had while there.

Who knows. I am happy here tho. But damn, I wish I could get Japanese food more easily (and cheaper).

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Slow Dance on the Inside

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New job. Books. Star Wars. Everything has been so awesome this past week.

New job: it rocks! The benefits are amazing, the people are SO nice (which is a huge relief because I LOVED my old coworkers and was so worried that everyone at my new job was going to be Super Serious and Big Into Finances but they’re all really chill and my group seems to be full of sass and I already love it), my office MY DESK is so fancy, and my actual work might be boring but it’s easy. And my manager said I can listen to music while I work (AUDIO BOOKS?!?!?! might be in my future…). I made it through my first week and now I have a three day weekend and then on Tuesday after work there’s a huge party and yeah. I am so happy and grateful for this new opportunity.

Books! All the books. I am finally making progress with publishers when it comes to getting advanced reader copies and I finally got some in the mail and I was so happy that I just sat down and stared at the books and then I wanted to cry but I didn’t because that’s weird but I was THAT HAPPY. And I’m finally finding more time to read and I have an hour lunch at work so I’m sure I can read more then and idk about audio books yet but WE WILL SEE. Oh and I ALSO won two book contests last week so yay I am so excited for more free books!!!

Star Wars! The new trailer makes me cry every time I see it.

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The Middle

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I FORGOT THAT MY LAST POST WAS BASICALLY ‘TO BE CONTINUED…’

 

So here’s the rest of the …

I went to three job interviews. (Four actually, but the first one took place before the MOVING. DRAMA.)

The First Interview was at a place I REALLY wanted to work at. I went in, asked if the position was open, yes, sent my resume and cover letter that night, next day got an email: do you want to stop in for an interview? YES! I ran over there after work dying of heat stroke because the room the interview took place in was hot hot hot. I was probably underdressed and way too tired and we had a nice chat, sounded like I’d nailed it, you’ll have to give two weeks, I’ll get back to you on Friday and then………….. nothing. For two weeks. And then……… rejection.

I took it hard. I have never NOT gotten a job that I really wanted. I cried. I got into a fight with my husband. I felt bad about myself. I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, was generally in a bad place.

But then I pulled myself together and moved on.

Second Interview was for a place that I actually mildly wanted to work at. It sounded interesting, paid decently, and wasn’t too far away (bike or train, take your pick). I was all set for my interview, had psyched myself up, was thinking that no, I really DID want to work there, and then I got a Phone Interview request from another job that I also mildly wanted but at the moment I got the request I was like NOOOO I DON’T NEED MORE CHOICES.

So I set up the Phone Interview because I really had no reason not to. I went to the Second Interview for the place I was pumped to work at and rocked it. Okay, I had one part of the interview that I would have changed. But hey. I felt so much better about myself, life, the universe.

Then two days later I had the Phone Interview (Fourth Interview part 1). It was quick, painless (terrifying), and I was so grateful for ALL the prep I’d done between the First Interview and the Second Interview (because clearly I SUCKED at interviews) because it was so textbook it wasn’t even funny. The lady who did my Phone Interview said that she was pretty sure I’d get called in for an in person interview and yes I did get called back in for what was my Fourth Interview part 2.

In the meantime I also had a Third Interview. This was actually for a different position within my current company. I had talked with my boss about transferring or moving up into a management position and they found a supervisor position for me so I went and had the Third Interview before work. The Third Interview was actually a backup if I failed the Second and Fourth interviews. This position was something I was basically already doing at my current job, it just came with a title and a slight pay raise (and I mean slight). The Third Interview was INTENSE. They had a book they had to follow and there were two people and I was sitting up straight and trying not to blink too much. I NAILED it too. And I am every so grateful to this interview because it prepared me in ways that I would have never been prepared for the Fourth Interview.

Two days before the Fourth Interview I got a job offer from the Second Interview. I took it because I was terrified that I would not get the job associated with the Fourth Interview. I bought sushi and celebrated with my husband because it was a win! All my had work had paid off and it WAS a good job, something that I was excited about.

I went to the Fourth Interview. I wore a suit. I took my expensive purse. I slept 10 hours the night before. I took everything I had learned in Japan about etiquette and politeness and I thought hard before answering and used my charm and oh my god, I rocked the Fourth Interview. Harder than the Second, harder than the Third. The manager even told me that I had done a good job when he walked me out.

They offered me the job the next day. And I took it. I declined the other job, got an offer from the Third interview and passed.

I start working at Massachusetts Institute of Technology next week.

(I did all of this while moving)

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Timberwolves at New Jersey

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It’s amazing how quickly things can change. And how hard work seems to be never ending. A month ago I was ready to give up, but now all kinds of good things are happening. I don’t know why things suddenly started to work out, but I’ll take it.

When husband and I moved here back in August we expected to spend the next five years in our 10th floor studio apartment overlooking the Charles river. We are now living in a one bedroom apartment on the first floor with a private patio and the swankiest of top floor lounges overlooking the Charles river. We are so happy here and it feels like a dream that we live here.

This took place in the course of three weeks.

And at the same time I went to three job interviews. More on that later.

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Better Homes and Gardens

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When I was in Japan I had a creative director for a film company approach me about writing some content for a movie they were working on. It was an amazing opportunity and the person I spoke to said that he had to go to LA for a week and for me to email him some of my more recent pieces of writing and that he’d get back to me.

He never got back to me.

It didn’t feel like a scam. It just felt like he probably didn’t need me after all, or possibly found someone better.

The same thing happened to me last week with a different thing. Only this time it broke my heart.

Sometimes I think that my dreams will never come true. Then I think about how I don’t even work hard towards my dreams so no wonder. I have no drive. And drive is something that I want. But how does one get that?

I realize that I spent a large portion of my life focusing on the wrong things. I had an image in my mind of how life was supposed to be. What love was supposed to be like. What success looked like. And I focused so hard on one person, one plan, one hope that now that I’m on the other side of it all I wish I could go back in time and tell myself;

Forget him.
You don’t need them.
Learn this even though it’s hard.
You don’t need to be the owner of so much stuff.
Choose something important and focus.
Don’t care at all what others think about you.

Self improvement, here I come.

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Great Romances of the 20th Century

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I hate February. And this month has not been kind to me. And I feel like I’m in a funk and I just need to do something to get out of it. I find myself flat lining at times, just feeling hopeless and like I can’t move forward.

This is not how my life back in the states was supposed to be. Things got off to a rocky start and they settled for a bit and to be honest, they haven’t been great recently. A combo of personal and professional failures have left me wishing that I at least had the warm weather and sun to cheer me up.

So I’m turning to this blog because I always turn to writing when I need to clear my head. I’ve started journaling again, honest to god with a pen and notebook journaling. But I miss blogging. And I miss writing.

If things go well they should be sorted in the next month or two and then as the seasons change my life with them. I need spring. In all senses. I’m sick of being cold and feeling miserable and not knowing how to proceed. This can all be a metaphor for life or a literal interpretation of the snow effecting every aspect of everyday life.

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Eye level snow.

I somehow got into this loop of not actually doing anything. I threw myself into reading because it felt like I was accomplishing something. Reading became more of a habit than a hobby, an addiction that I needed to feed because I had nothing else those last few years in Japan. I loved living in Ibaraki, but I was so isolated, and my husband wasn’t available enough due to work and his grad school application. I didn’t see the point of making friends because I was leaving soon. I had books and the Internet and I was content in my isolation. I maybe even needed it.

But now I need to do something. I can’t keep going the same way I was. These past few weeks have shown me that. I need to take responsibility. My husband is the foreigner now. I relied on him so much in Japan and now he needs to be able to rely on me. I haven’t been reliable since getting here, to say the least.

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I never though of myself as having anxiety or social issues. I can talk to most anoyone, I can go most places and have a good time. But I have to force myself a lot. I often talk myself out of doing a lot of things. Especially on my own. My husband and I just started taking a kickboxing class. I love it. Would I have done it on my own? No. But I ended up having to when he missed the first class due to being sick. I was okay, I had a great time. Husband asked me to make him a website a few months ago and I put it off and put it off and put it off because I was too scared to even try doing it. I don’t know why I was so scared, it’s a website. I know how to make them. I finally started to work on it and I’m having so much fun. I love working on it and I’m trying really hard to make it great. Why, WHY was I so worried!?

It’s weird things like this that just get to me and I don’t know when I became like this or where it came from. And how to fix it.

So I think the first step is talking about it and I think that I can use this blog to do so. I find that a lot of my private journaling isn’t very constructive, but maybe this could be.

I just feel like I’m in Boston, I’m at MIT, I’m married to someone who is possibly going to be one of the brightest thinkers of our time (sorry not sorry but my husband is a genius and he’s already doing great things and we’ve only been here for seven months), and I just should take advantage of all this.

So some things I’m going to do is just find ways to better myself. I’m taking an online course on Coursera, I’m trying to find a new job, I’m joining some workshops held at MIT for spouses and partners and I’m trying really hard to move forward from those personal and professional failures I’ve been experiencing lately.

And really, if all things go well, I hope to get into some serious writing this summer. And of course I won’t give up on my love of reading, but there is going to be a dramatic shift in the way I read. And that might be for a latter post.

Things

Thins I want to eat in the USA:

  • Hawaiian pizza with soy cheese
  • (American) Chinese food (sweet & sour pork, orange chicken & egg rolls)
  • Grilled (soy) cheese
  • Mashed potatoes and gravy
  • Corn bread with honey
  • A meal at Mikado Sushi on 28th street
  • Chili dogs
  • Cobb salad — hell any salad that contains 100% lettuce and 0% cabbage
  • FRUIT. All the fruit. Berries. All the berries.
  • $1 Tostino Canadian bacon pizza (I don’t care if it gives me a stomachache)
  • SOY MILK ICE CREAM
  • Yellow cake with vanilla frosting
  • Tuna casserole
  • I-Hop
  • Bacon that is crispy

Things I want to do in the USA:

  • Get a library card
  • Get a job that does not involve teaching English
  • Make phone calls in English
  • Drive
  • Hug my dog
  • Own a couch
  • Own a coffee maker
  • Make friends
  • Contact publishers and get physical ARCs
  • Rent a car
  • Drive to the ocean
  • Bake
  • Celebrate holidays properly